Extreme Brawling: Crazy Hand's Dream
by The Dragon-wolf Omega
Summary: rated M for safety. Based on one of IGN's April Fool's things. This is the way Crazy Hand wants Super Smash Brothers Brawl to come out as...and the Smashers should be thankful it'll never happen.


...I lost my old thumb drive, and lost the fifth chapter of Ten Ways to own Ganondorf.

So to keep my mind from going insain from looking forward to a rewrite, I decided to type this.

I got the idea from reading Tvtrops(I know I misspelled it) and read a list of things that were called an Urban Legend of Zelda...or in words that I can discribe, complete and utter lies!

Expanssion my foot. Everyone was unware of what Crazy Hand was dreaming to do when Master Hand kicked the console.

Extreme Brawling

"Good night Crazy," Master Hand slipped into bed with a warm blue sleeping cap.

"Good night brother," Crazy Hand responded as he took some pills to help him sleep.

In that same instance, Crazy Hand fell unconcious, and snored at about 180 decimals.

Master hand put on his ear plugs, and fell asleep.

Now let's explore the dreams of Crazy Hand...

"In this corner," Crazy Hand announced into a mike as many people came to see the fight, "Weighing in at about 1290 pounds...Wario!"

Wario waved to what was a surprising amount of fans.

"And in this corner, weighing in about a small 40 pounds...Toon Link!"

toon Link waved his sword in the air, as many fan girls fainted.

"We will be fighting in Final Destination, so our competetors can cause the blood shed themselves-"

Someone reading this story stops and asks, "Blood shed?"

Watch, and don't stop me again, I'm already angry for losing my flash drive, that I will turn you into ash with the powers of magma.

"Your dead meat kid," Wario growled as his stomach growled, "UMMMMM, dead meat."

"Your going to make great paint for the Final Destination," Toon Link growled.

"3...2...1..." Crazy Hand counted down, "Go!"

Toon Link charged in waving his sword like a born killer, and chopped off Wario's left arm.

"NOOOO," Wario yelled in pain, "I use that-a arm to pick-up food!"

Toon Link tried to follow up with a Boomerang, but Wario dodged it, mound flesh was left on the ground.

"Mystic Wins," Crazy Hand as I never knew why the game always said that, "Toon Link!"

and used his up+B attack to painfully shock Toon Link.

"Muahahaha!" Wario laughed evily.

"Grrrr," Toon Link wanted to end this, and countered with a Down+A attack, and performed it multiple times as he stayed in the air.

In a few seconds, a mound of flesh was left on the ground.

"Mystic wins," Crazy Hand shouted, "Toon Link!"

Crazy Hand drunkily spun to other stages, "Let's see how the others are doing."

On Norfair, Samus and Wolf were duking it out with blaster to missile combat. It was a stamina fight, and Norfair was going to do a magma flood in about 3 seconds.

"Let me in!" wolf cried as Samus got onto the safety pod, and kept knocking Wolf off.

"No way!" Samus texted on her visor.

As the magma came raining down, Wolf was lit on fire, and burned to a nice crisp on the ground.

Next, Crazy Hand turned his limited attention to a fight with Mario and Snake on Shadow Mosses Island.

"Wahoo!" Mario shouted as he broke the smash Ball, but landed on a C4, "Uh-oh."

"Now," Snake pressed a button, and the bomb exploded, sending Mario flying upwards, and knocking the Smash Ball flying out of Mario.

Snake shot a Mortor towards the ball, and somehow broke it in one hit, "It's show time!"

With his granade launcher, Snake shot one shot towards Mario, and blew Mario to bloody pieces.

"Awsome," one audience member cheered, "You made Mario into great paint!"

For a fast forward run-through...

"AAAAAHH!" Ness yelled as he was bitten to pieces as the Ultimate Kimara in New Pork City ate him, and smiled to reveal blood-covered teeth, and Ness's cap.

"EEEP!" Peach was being gnawed on by Kirby, who now decided to bite Peach instead of swallow, and had some blood coming from his mouth.

"Ugh," Luigi groaned as he was missing some arms, and a leg as Link was cleaning his sword.

"He-yup!" King DeDeDe leaped upwards to crush Pikachu on one of my custome fields. Pikachu ended up dodging his attack, and King DeDeDe, with his fat reer, broke the platform, and landed on a spike pit below.

Instead of bouncing like the spikes were springs, there was one sickening crunch, and blood came dripping from the spikes.

"YO-O-Shi," Yoshi's head said as it laid seperated from its body thanks to Marth.

"boss," a R.O.B wearing a maids outfit came into the room where Crazy Hand was failing to count the trillions he made today, "Another ship load of cash is coming tonight."

"A ship load?" Crazy Hand put down his money, and stared dispointed with his non-existant eyes, "We get oceans of dollars and coins, what is going on?"

"I-" the R.O.B tried to speak, but Crazy Hand pointed his finger at the robot, and vaperized it.

"I'll release my anger on you," Crazy Hand said coldly, until his stupidy started up again.

Later, after many decapatations of his workers...the smashers, Crazy Hand was staring at himself in a mirror.

"I knew the public craves blood, gour, and flying body parts. My brother was too worried about the wellfare of the smashers. bah, money is where its at, and if I needed to poison master hand to get where I am today, then I don't have any regrets."

"CCCCRRRRAAAAZZZYYY HHHAAANNNDDD!" a booming voice echooed in the bathroom, and Crazy Hand dropped his rubber ducky and looked around in confussion.

"That sounded like..."

"CCCCRRRAAAZZZYYY HHHAAANNNDDD!"

"...Brother?" Crazy Hand looked around until a flash of light was getting very close, "Wait, what! What is going on? Is this my punishment for killing you for money? I don't want to die, I'm sorry!"

"Killed me??" Master Hand, waking up his brother, looked at his iddiot counter-part, "Crazy, sometimes I wonder what you dream everyday."

"Dizzy," Crazy Hand responded, spinning in a circle.

"He's still normal," master Hand studied his brother, and then left the room for coffee.

Crazy Hand, on the otherhand, stopped spinning, and started giggling.

"Hehehehehehehehe, " Crazy Hand pulled some Rattle Snake venom, and headed to the breakfast table before his brother.

------------------

CCrazy Hand is evil!

The blood and body part removal was written by an April Fool's joke on IGN. They said it was an expanssion geared for an older audience.

I knew this was a lie. Anyone who is reading this, never believe anything anyone says about video games that you don't know yourself on April 1st.

...that is all.

Maybe not.

I'll be posting the fifth chapter of Ten Ways to Own Ganondorf on Thursday if I can pull myself together to re-type it.


End file.
